I’ve heard it said in the past that one should never allow another person to change their smile. Every time this piece of advice has come up in conversation, it has had a negative connotation to it. It seems that the mind attaches negative things to change when really, there is more than one way to think about it. I bring this up because as I look through pictures of Michael and I, taken throughout the past month or so, I notice one thing in particular. My smile has changed.
The one feature that people notice most about me is my smile. My eyes come in at a close second. But the smile is always the one thing that I get complimented on. I have always thought it was pretty, but I notice now that it is beautiful. It has changed from something that encompassed happiness but wasn’t quite complete, to a smile that lights up an entire room. I know that there are many out there, probably readers of my blog, who would say that that brightness has always been there. Maybe now is just the first time I have really noticed it. Or noticed the difference.
I have been looking at photographs from different points in my life and remembering times where I was the happiest. I have been thinking of people who have come and gone from my life, the experiences I had with them, the lessons I learned. I have thought of past loves and the times with them where I thought I was truly, unconditionally happy. At those times, I was happy… but now. This time is different. So different that I have taken notice of a physical feature that has smiled back at me every time I look in the mirror… and noticed a brightness that was not there before. Could never have been there before.
When two kindred spirits find each other, there is a recognition that cannot be explained by anyone other than those two spirits… and there is no guarantee that anyone but those two spirits will understand. Two months ago, upon walking into my Nutrition Science class I saw Michael and recognized him, though I had never seen him before. At least, not in this life. Through a series of fortunate and unfortunate events, we were drawn together. First as classmates, then friends and confidants, then finally, as lovers. Through our development as a couple, we have already seen trials and tribulations and have found that we can rely on each other, can trust each other, can pull each other up when one of us falls down. Our connection is not perfect, but it is real… and it has forever changed my smile.
You never truly know what is missing from your life until it is placed in front of you… or in our case, dropped like a bomb and demanding that we pay attention. Sometimes, even then, people fail to recognize that puzzle piece until it has been left in the dust to rot and decay. My God and Goddess placed my puzzle piece in front of me with a subconscious recognition that I could not ignore. I could not look away from, whether I wanted to or not.
I know Michael… and I have known him through the ages. I do not expect anyone to understand, agree, or whatever. I expect nothing. What I do expect is to look at photographs. To see a smile that has evolved through lessons, struggles, heartbreaks, failures, successes, joys, victories, and several levels of happiness through years and through ages. I expect to see a brightness in me that was not there before and could not have been until now. I expect that brightness to stay.
“Do not let anyone change your smile”, they said. This was quite possibly the best advice I ever chose to disobey… for my smile would not be as bright.