“Never allow yourself to become one of those people who, when they are old, tell you how they missed their chance.” – Author, Claire Ortega
It’s amazing how easily things can switch places on the spectrum of life. It was only a short while ago when, had you asked me if I wanted to get married and start a family someday, I would have said yes in a heartbeat. In fact, I would have told you that I wanted to raise three kids, two boys and one girl. I would have said that I’ve been planning my wedding in my head since I was a kid and knew exactly what kind of ring, dress and even the ceremony colors I wanted. But ask me if I want to get married and have kids again now and I’ll give you quite a different answer.
Today, I’m not so sure that marriage or children are for me… well, maybe marriage, but children? I’m quite doubtful and here’s why.
Marriage: At the rate I’m going now, I’m almost too independent for my own good and only growing more so by the day. I’ve started to embrace flying solo and love the fact that I can do what I want whenever I want and nobody is asking me where I’m going, who I’m with or when I’ll be home. I’m comfortable being alone and doing things without the company of others, although I’m not completely solitary. My urge to travel extensively plays heavily in whether or not I will get married. Being someone who will leave for days on end to go discover a new place just for the hell of it and without telling anybody seems like it would probably get me in trouble… and the moment someone tried to tell me I couldn’t do that would be the moment that person took their leave from my life.
Children: If there was ever a time where I feel completely out of my element, it’s when I’m around small children. Aside from a select few (my niece is amazing!), kids make me uneasy. It’s like my mind completely goes blank when I’m around them, therefore interacting and entertaining them becomes increasingly difficult. Additionally, when they scream, cry, and throw temper tantrums, it’s like nails on a chalkboard and my stress levels rise substantially. While I know that raising my own kids would be different since I’d have near total control of how they would be raised and how they’d act, I don’t necessarily feel I have that kind of patience. Also… you can’t just up and leave to go travel Europe for six months with an infant.
Travel: Not a day goes by where I don’t think about traveling. It’s in my thoughts and my blood. Whatever I end up doing with my life, I truly believe that it will involve extensive travel and seeing new places. When I read about Ireland, it makes me want to buy a plane ticket right then and there. When I hear that Mardi Gras is coming up soon, it makes me want to get in my car and go visit my friend in Louisiana. When I hear stories or see pictures of various places throughout the world, it makes me want to sell everything I own and go wander this lovely planet. Traveling means so much to me because it means that I get to test my own strengths and grow as a person. I get to see how other people live and take part in living that way, at least for a short time. I get to discover places that I never knew existed and open myself up to experiences that I wouldn’t have had by staying in one place.
The whole marriage with 2.5 kids in a big house with an SUV in the suburbs life isn’t for me. There are many people out there who thrive in that kind of environment and I give them props. I couldn’t do it. At least not right now. I’m well aware that there may come a time when that kind of life will appeal to me… and then again, I may be one of those people who never wants that.
I’m also open to the idea that I may meet someone who is just as insane as I am and who would jump at the idea of living the kind of nomadic life that I yearn for. Whether that happens or not still remains to be seen. I know that if it doesn’t, I’ll be happy… and if it does, well, I’ll know that it was supposed to happen and I’ll be happy then too.