Wow. Two months already. Doesn’t seem that long… yet, it seems like ages at the same time. It’s amazing how disconnected I feel from a place I called “home” for the majority of my life. It genuinely feels like a chapter in my life book has been completed… and that’s probably because it has. My arsenal of lessons is pretty packed and I’ve only been alive for 24 years. Even though my feelings for Los Angeles are still pretty hostile, I do kind of have to bite the bullet and be thankful that I was able to learn the things I did, both about people and about myself.
There have been a few times where I’ve sat down and done some serious reflecting. A couple of those times have been brought on by sermons that I heard at the gnarly rad church I started going to. On a side note, my usage of the term “gnarly” has gone up dramatically. Anyway, back to what I was saying… reflections. I’ve reflected a hundred times on the stages of growth I’ve gone through over the past few years and, not to toot my own horn, but I’ve grown into a pretty awesome person. Yeah, I had my screw ups… and there were definitely times where I deserved to get my ass handed to me, but all in all, I think I’ve turned out alright. It continues to baffle me that I’m still alive after some of the stupid things I’ve done, but for whatever reason, God said it wasn’t time for me to die yet. There’s still some things I have to do and I’m pretty cool with that.
My faith has grown dramatically since I have been here. Not only do I understand more about myself, I think I have a better understanding of what faith really means to me. I’m not sure I really got it before now. It was one of those things where I always believed in God, but He was always on the back burner. There was always something else that came first. Perhaps it was the feeling of judgment that I felt from other people in not being what a “Christian” was supposed to be. Now, I actually want to be involved in things that will help me get closer to God. Again, a lot of it has to do with my gnarly rad church. I really can’t name a time where I actually looked forward to going to church or wanted to be involved in small groups, but, this is just another example of my heart finding “home”… of finding a community of people who have also found their “home”.
I’ve also noticed the kind of people that I’ve met recently. Quality people. People that I look forward to seeing… from the awesome folks at my gym who constantly push me to my limits in order to help me get to where I want to be physically, to new friends who I can just sit and talk about life and my experiences with and know that they’re not thinking ill of me because of those experiences. I’ve also gotten closer with my family and their love is just further confirmation that no matter the circumstances, I can always, always turn to them.
My life is good here. I truly believe in my heart of hearts that I need to be here. I believe that I can thrive here and have obviously already started doing so. The time I spent in California was necessary for me to become the person I am today. I had a great childhood there. I made some great friends who will hopefully be around for the long haul. I also learned some very, very hard lessons that prepared me for my life here in Colorado and where ever else I may end up. While the weeks leading up to my leaving seemed endless, they did end and I’m alive to tell my story.
Here’s to seeing what else God has in store for me. I can pretty much guarantee that it’ll be remarkable.