Actions have consequences. Retaliation breeds vengeance. Depending on the willpower of those involved, sometimes rising above the hatred can be a daunting task. I’ve had to watch someone I cared about once completely act like someone I never knew him to be. In the face of adversity, he turned into someone that I hated. Someone I didn’t even know. It caught me so off guard that I had hoped it wasn’t real; that it was all just a horrible dream. The person that I used to know cared about others… but then again, during hard times, isn’t it those who are close to us that get hurt the most?
It took everything in me to not react like he did. To not spit venom right back in his face. Rising above the hurt, the anguish, the hate and the despair nearly killed me. There were times where I wished for death, however, now that I look back on it, death would have been the easy way. Those who know me know that I’m not really one to take the easy way out. I want to suffer through the trials and tribulations of life because in the end, it is me who is stronger. It is me who will learn the lessons, remember them, and apply them to the future.
I had expected more from this person. I had truly thought he expected more from himself… but, apparently, I was wrong. As the weeks turn into months, the months will turn into years. My anger has diminished significantly but I’d be lying if I said that there wasn’t still some there. To be blatantly honest, if I saw this person again right now, I’d probably shatter his jaw. Overpowering the anger though, is the overwhelming sense of disappointment. I thought he was better than to act in the manner that he did. I truly believed that he was better.
What I have to remember now is that I am better. I was honest. I followed through. I let the paint on the walls dry and have yet to hang new pictures. He didn’t… and right now, I certainly hope he suffers every consequence that comes to him in full. There will come a time when I will be able to forgive him. Right now is not that time.
In the end, we all have our demons… it just depends on whether or not we keep them on a short leash or let them off the leash completely. For the most part, I try to keep mine starved, beaten and battered… kind of like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, but not nearly as feisty. I’m not perfect and I don’t ever mean to make myself sound like I’ve got it all figured out. I don’t. I do, however, feel that there are basic lessons that every person should master in life. Learning to act like an adult at an adult age is one that I thought was pretty obvious. Apparently, there are still many folks who don’t understand the concept.