Dear Day Long Depression… SUCK IT!

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Have you ever had a conversation with someone where all they do is complain? All they do is talk about how resentful and unmotivated they are and how life has dealt them the loser card and there is nothing they can do about it. It’s not a fun conversation to have especially when you’re the one on the listening end. The effects that a conversation like this can have on even the most positive person can be devastating… at least for the remainder of that day.

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know that my attitude is usually very positive and it takes a lot to get me to a point of despair. After having a conversation with someone today, we’ll call her “Mary”, I felt my attitude and energy level sink. I attended one of our team events that are normally awesome and a lot of fun… and after having lunch with Mary, I didn’t even want to be there anymore. I wanted to go home, climb on top of my roof and scream “Goodbye cruel world!” as I took a swan dive into a pool full of dried cement. Dramatic? Surely. However, that’s truly how I felt after talking to Mary. As I sat in the room after lunch listening to my team leader, surrounded by people who loved me and supported me, I just couldn’t shake the low feeling I had. My attitude had been affected to such an extreme that when those who were succeeding in their businesses were up and speaking about their success, I couldn’t be happy for them. I wanted to cry. There was no happy medium for me and I didn’t like it.

Even now as I write this, I’m struggling to find the energy to smile and say “It’s all going to be OK”. I’m looking back on my day and wondering why what Mary had to say affected me so badly. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt like saying “I can’t do this” and throwing in the towel. But that’s not me. I don’t give up when I know that I’m doing something great. I don’t give up because other people aren’t doing jack diddly squat in their lives and they’re miserable. I’m not miserable. I’m definitely struggling with certain aspects of my life right now but I understand that it could always be worse.

I feel that this was an important lesson in who we choose to surround ourselves with and how they affect our daily lives. As nice as Mary is, I’m glad I only see her every once in awhile because if I had to listen to her every day, I’d probably be on my roof right now writing my suicide note. As human beings, we all have our struggles. Nobody has the perfect life and we all experience life differently. I prefer to see even the crappiest situations in a positive way because I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling today on a regular basis. It f***ing sucks. I just got off the phone with my mom and she was the one who actually suggested I write this blog. At first I didn’t want to because I don’t like writing about negative subjects, however after speaking to her about my experience I think it’s important for my readers to understand where I’m coming from. I have crappy days. There are certain people who bring me down when I’m around them. It happens to the best of us. The important thing is to recognize these people, recognize and understand the feelings that occur when they’re around and to let yourself have a crappy day if you need to. Then move past it. Say “I’m having a bad day because…”, “I’m feeling sad, angry and discouraged because…” and move on. As I’ve said in previous blogs, dwelling on the negative does no good. It just broods more negativity.

People who are miserable like to be in the company of other miserable people. They get to talk about how they got the short end of the stick and how life is against them. They’re resentful, jealous and full of despair. For the first time in years, I truly felt depressed today. As I said before, it’s a feeling that I don’t like and it’s soooo important that we surround ourselves with positive, supportive people. The negative will be negative until THEY make a conscious decision to change their attitude. I’ve reminded myself that today never has to happen again and that when I wake up in the morning, I’ll have a clean slate and a whole new mindset. There is something to be said about a good night’s sleep.

Anyway, I wanted to share this because I know how bad I felt today and I know I’m not alone. Being happy in the face of hopelessness is so much more fun. It’s sad that there are people out there who don’t want to see the silver lining in the clouds. At least I know that my cloud only had to last for one day… tomorrow is going to be awesome and I don’t really know why yet… for starters, I’ll wake up and be alive. The sun will be shining and it will be warm (even if it rains, I’m cool with that  too), my city will be celebrating Valentine’s day whether they’re attached or not (hell, the single folks will be celebrating with a pint and nobody can complain about a good beer) and on February 16th, it’s freakin’ Pancake Day! There is a lot to look forward to.

The lesson here is to stay positive, surround yourself with people who see the glass half full and allow yourself to feel everything. Don’t ever tell yourself it’s not ok to be angry, sad or  to have a bad day. Just understand that it only has to last as long as you allow it to.

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About Rachael Moyte

Food. Art. Music. Pillow forts. Hula hoops. Beanies. Bass (the instrument, not the fish). Denver. Traveling. Friends. Butterflies. METAL! Comfy pants. Books. Books. Books. Writing. Beer. Walking. Sunshine. Rain. Sugar skulls. Tattoos. Lots more.

One response »

  1. Great blog subject! Isn’t weird how some people are just so good at bringing others down? I’m glad your mom talked you into writing this blog and that you are forward looking.

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