We all come across people and situations that get us down. None of us are immune to bad days although most of us wish we were. Yesterday was not an easy day for me. In fact, it pushed me to a place that I don’t like to be and that’s in a place of fear. I’m not gonna go into specifics of what happened but more so of how I felt and how I dealt with what I was feeling. Fear sucks. Being scared, worried and stressed out are really crappy feelings and I don’t like them. I don’t think there is anyone who shouts to the world “I’m excited to be stressed out today! Woohoo!!!” What I learned yesterday was that there are some situations that we are just simply not in control of. There are people out there who get off on pushing other people around and honestly, I feel sorry for those kinds of people. They attract bad karma and unfortunately for them, it’s well deserved.
I’m a very positive person a lot of the time. There are only a select few people who have seen me during the darkest of times and there are only a select few people that I vent and release my frustration and pain to. I trust these people to be there for me during the bad times as well as the good. Yesterday, after dealing with my crappy situation, I let myself cry, I called my mom and we came up with a game plan. I let myself feel hatred, frustration and anger. I just didn’t let myself hold on to it for an extended period of time. I showered and washed away the sickness and malevolence that a certain being had made me feel. My friend Irene and her girlfriend called me and took me out to lunch where I was able to vent and let go of my anger. I kept reminding myself that karma doesn’t discriminate and it’s our actions that decide what kind of karma we get. While yesterday was a day of trials, it reminded me of my drive to be better.
I treat people with kindness and compassion. I trust until given a reason not to trust. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I don’t let people walk all over me and I will always stand up for myself, my beliefs and those I love. I used to think that a positive mindset meant that we should strive to never have bad days. That anger and sadness and pain would magically disappear with all the rainbows and butterflies and glitter with which I’d decorated my mind. It wasn’t until I really let myself have a few minutes to feel and go through the bad emotions that the happiness really began to shine. I realized that we’re not supposed to hold our negative emotions inside because that’s when they manifest into bigger, more dangerous and sometimes violent fits of rage. So now, if someone makes me angry to the point of punching a wall (which I’ve never done by the way), I let myself think bad thoughts, I let myself scream and I allow myself to feel pity… but only for a few minutes. After those few minutes are done, I can release the negativity, remember that people bring their own karma and I can go about my day knowing that I’m a good person.
In most cases, negative people aren’t being negative to us directly. Sometimes they are and we deal with it case by case. A lot of the time, however, people are dealing with their own demons and tend to take it out on those who aren’t deserving of such treatment. I had to remind myself of this yesterday. What happened yesterday wasn’t personal and the person involved has to deal with the fact that they wake up angry every day. They look in the mirror and see an ugly heart. I don’t. I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and see a caring, beautiful woman who cherishes life, love, family, friends and the little things. Do I hope the best for this person who angered me? Yes. Do I want to ever deal with them again? Probably not.
Ultimately, I decided that I deserve better treatment and better everything. So, I’m taking action to get myself to a place where the chance of my ever, ever dealing with this nasty person or the department they work for again are virtually impossible. Through all of the negative emotions and despair, out came a drive to do better. Out came the drive to diminish the pain and the suffering and go after what is mine. I deserve the best in life and that’s pretty much it.